Forgive me, love
by 70 inc
Summary: A songfic off of the song 'your house' by Alanis Morissette. RLSB mild slash
1. Chapter 1

Forgive Me, Love

Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own the characters form Harry Potter. Nor do I own the song 'Your House' by Alanis Morissette. But I do own the cabby and he's looking for work so please contact me. Thanks so much! 

"'ere we are," The cabby announced as he came to a stop. Remus Lupin pulled himself out of his thoughts and looked up.

"Oh, um," he said and fumbled into his pocket for the right amount of money to pay the fare.

"Here," he mumbled handing the man a handful of wadded up bills. "Keep the change,"

Remus stepped out of the black and yellow cab, which took off in search of another paying customer as soon as he had shut the door. He watched it speed off. Once it was out of sight he turned around.

His destination was a flat-building. An ordinary flat-building. It, like other buildings, was made of red brick with light grey cement steps with a white-painted iron handrail that lead up to the also white-painted door. Remus counted eleven windows. One for each flat that faced this direction.

Remus knew this building. He knew that the bottom level housed an office and four flats. He knew that there were four stories, counting the bottom one. The top three levels each housed six flats.

As Remus looked at the familiar building his amber eyes that had dulled with age were immediately drawn to the first window on the right on the second story. He had once lived there.

_Why am I here? _He asked himself and answered with a shake of his head. He really didn't know why he was here but he had been drawn to the flat. _His _flat.

Remus sighed in defeat. He knew he wouldn't be able to leave with out seeing the place. So he went into the building.

Once inside he made his way straight to the stairs. He walked up them to the right floor. The flat he had come to see was the first on the right. He pulled out his spare key that he had kept all these years and opened the door.

He walked down the hall and went into the first room he came to. It was the bedroom. _His _bedroom. Remus took a deep breath. It smelt just like he remembered. _Smells like Sirius. _

Remus had shared this apartment with Sirius after they graduated from Hogwarts. They had fallen in love in their seventh year. After years of sexual tension it was a relief to all when they finally admitted their feelings for each other.

They had looked at this apartment, days before they would graduate. They had walked in hand-in-hand and the minute they entered Sirius took off. He was so excited, he nearly wetted himself. He had to see everything all at once.

"Oh Remy!" he had squealed with joy as he inspected each room. "I love it! We _have _to get this one!" and Remus hadn't argued. The moved in the day after they graduated.

But their happily ever after had been taken from them by suspicion and war.

Remus shook himself out of his memories. He walked around the once familiar room. He ran a finger over the dresser. He opened the top drawer and in it, just as he knew there would be, was a bottle of cologne. _Sirius's cologne. _

He picked up the bottle and held it under his nose. His senses were shocked with memories of Sirius. Of his smell, touch, sound, look and taste. Remus felt a wave of dizziness come over him and he stumbled into the bathroom.

Hanging on a hook was Sirius's robe. He didn't know why but he pulled it off its hook and slipped it on. It was so warm. Remus looked around him at the bathroom.

He walked around the fairly large room coming to a stop in front of the glass doors of the shower. Remus had once danced in this shower. He remembered it.

He had been taking his morning shower and he was rather grumpy, though that wasn't unusual for Remus in the morning. He was _not _a morning person. But this morning he was more irritable than he usually was.

And the last thing he needed, or wanted, was an overly hyper Sirius bursting into the bathroom to bother him. But that is what happened anyway.

"Remus!" Sirius shouted though he was standing just on the other side of a very thin sheet of glass.

"Yes Sirius?" He asked doing his best to keep his annoyance out of his voice. But whether he succeeded or not didn't matter much to the practically levitating dark-haired man.

Sirius just smiled wider and quickly rid himself of the pair of boxers he was wearing and literally hopped into the shower with Remus.

"I just got off the floo with Jamise," he said bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"And?" Remus asked not bothering to hide the exhaustion from his tone. _Maybe then Sirius will leave me alone. _He thought.

"I got some news." He said his smile getting a bit malicious. Remus bit back a growl of frustration. Oh how he _hated _guessing games. He liked things to be straightforward.

"Well?" he asked his voice harsh. Sirius's grin fell a little at his lover's tone.

"Um, it seems that Lily is pregnant," he said a little deflated. Remus looked at him gob smacked. Then, shocking both Sirius and himself, he began to dance.

Sirius stared at the usually uptight and eloquent werewolf in incredibly before laughing and joining in.

"Who would have thought that _Prongs _would be a father? And after only being married for a year!" Remus exclaimed.

"It was enough of a shock when Lily agreed to date him let alone _marry _him. And now this!" Sirius cried still going on with his impromptu jig with Remus. Then Remus had stopped as a thought hit him.

"Actually, I think it's quite obvious that James is the one to have the first marauder child. In fact I think it's up to him to spawn the next generation of miscreants and trouble makers." Remus said. Sirius looked confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well think about it. Peter will have to find a girl first before he has any kids. And well, I don't know if you've noticed but with our preferences in blokes rather than birds and the fact that neither of use exactly have the right, urm, _equipment_, to have kids of our own. James is our only hope." Remus explained.

Sirius's eyes went wide.

"What? We are leaving the fate of the future marauders up to that ponce? Something must be done!" He demanded. Remus chuckled at his love's antics.

"There is a remedy to this." Remus said thoughtfully.

"Really?" Sirius asked excitedly. Remus nodded.

"Just turn straight and find yourself a wife," Remus said indifferently returning to his shower, though his eyes sparkled with mischief.

Sirius looked utterly disgusted at the prospect.

"Ugh, how horrid. Are you sure that is the only way?" He asked hopefully.

"Oh quite sure," Remus answered turning his face from Sirius to hide his amusement. He felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist. He shivered as warm breath and soft lips touched his ear as Sirius whispered into it.

"Well then I guess we will have to keep an eye on Prongs. Make sure he doesn't screw up." Remus smiled and turned around to face the other man. His breath became ragged.

Sirius looked positively sexy. His long black hair was hanging in wet curls around his face and his dark eyes smoldered with desire.

"I was hoping you would say that," Remus whispered and leaned in, placing his lips on Sirius's.

"But I call dibs on being the godfather." Sirius murmured against Remus's lips.

"Whatever you say, love," he replied and kissed him deeply.

But that had been years ago. Remus reminded himself pulling out of the memory. _It had been such a good memory. _But that wasn't the only memory Remus had of this place and not all of them were good.

Remus had once cried in this shower. He had gotten a phone call from his mother in France. She told him that his father had died, in the most muggle of ways to die, from cancer. She told him that the funeral would be in a week and he was expected to be there. Then she hung up.

After the phone call Remus had sat in the bedroom he shared with Sirius on the bed they also shared.

He went through his week as if nothing much had happened. He and his father hadn't been that close. Remus wasn't very close with anyone in his family.

Then the day for the funeral came and Remus took a shower. He stood under the water and let it beat on his tense shoulders. He hadn't told Sirius about the funeral. He hadn't wanted to talk about it. It didn't matter.

At least that's what he tried to tell himself. But now, standing naked under the stream of water, he felt so vulnerable. A wave of emotion hit him with such force that it brought him to his knees.

Remus's arms shot out to try and steady himself but he only succeeded in knocking the shampoo to the floor.

It must've been the clatter that brought Sirius to the bathroom. Sirius came rushing into the room.

"Remus? Are you alright?" he asked before locating the fallen form of his lover on the shower floor. He moved to the door slowly and opened the it.

Remus was still on his knees, his head in his hand and sobs wracked his always-too-thin body.

"Remus? Remy?" Sirius called as he crawled closer to the werewolf ignoring the water that was soaking him, clothes and all. He laid his hand on Remus's arm. The golden-haired man jumped from the sudden touch. Remus lifted his head. His amber eyes were filled with tears that streaked down his cheeks and intermingled with the water from the shower.

His eyes flickered across Sirius's face trying to bring him into focus. Once Remus was able to see that it was Sirius he threw himself into the other man's arms.

"Oh Siri," he cried. His voice so full of pain and anguish that it caused Sirius's own dark grey eyes to water. Sirius just held him, ran his hands up and down his back and whispered, what he hoped was, comforting words into his ear.

After a few minutes Remus had calmed down. He pulled his face from Sirius's shoulder where it had been buried and gave him a sheepish look.

"I guess you want an explanation," he said. Sirius looked down at him and gave a small smile.

"That would be nice, yes." Remus nodded but remained silent for a few minutes. When he finally spoke it wasn't above a whisper and his voice was thick with emotion.

"My father died, Siri. He _died._ And I care. I know I shouldn't. I mean we were never close and I should be able to just say 'so long' and go on with my life but I _can't. _Oh Merlin, I just _can't._ "Remus said in a rush of words and tears. He turned his face away from Sirius in embarrassment.

"I am pathetic," he whispered.

"No. don't you ever say that. It is not pathetic to _care_ Remus. He's your father. You have to care, no matter what your relationship was like. I mean my father is a right bastard but I know that I will be a mess when he finally keels over." Sirius said grabbing a hold of the other man's shoulders and forcing him to look at him. "It's ok to be sad. It's ok,"

Remus gave him a watery but grateful smile.

"I don't know how I am going to make it through this," he said chocking a bit on his tears.

Sirius gave him one of his dazzling smiles.

"Well that's why you have me. So you don't have to go through it alone." Remus looked at him in disbelief.

"Y-you mean…that you'd- you'd…" Remus started to say but was too overcome.

"Go with you?" Sirius offered and Remus nodded. "Of course I am! I'll be there with you holding you hand and giving you all that I can." Remus threw himself back into Sirius's arms.

"Thank-you," he whispered into the darker man's chest.

"Anytime, love," Sirius replied and kissed the top of Remus's head. "Anytime,"

Remus shook his head again to stop the painful memory. That had been so long ago. Remus walked away from the shower and out of the bathroom, tears welling in his eyes

Once in the hall he couldn't stop himself from continuing down it to the den. The room looked the same as it had years ago. This was the room where he had killed the only thing that had been right in his lifetime.

Remus burned some incense and put on one of Sirius's records and sat in a leather armchair. He held the bottle of cologne close to his heart as he let himself relive the last night he was in this place.

It had been the night Lily and James were killed. For months Remus and Sirius had been pulling away from each other. The war was causing both of them to be rather anxious and haggard. With both of them working all hours for the Order, they hadn't spent time together in weeks.

There was a rumor going through the Order that there was a spy in their midst. Also it was common knowledge that Voldemort was on the look out for Lily and James. Sirius had been made their safe-keeper. Then they were killed.

"Sirius!" Remus yelled as he entered their flat. "SIRIUS!"

"Merlin, Moony I'm right here no need to shout!" Sirius grumbled from the end of the hallway. Remus made his way to him quickly.

"Why'd you do it?" he asked. Sirius looked at him blankly.

"WHY? TELL ME!" he bellowed again grabbing a hold of the now terrified man.

"Whoa, Remus! What's going on!"

"They're dead. Not like you didn't know that." Remus snarled. "How could you! HOW COULD YOU!"

"Who? Who's dead?" Sirius cried in panic as Remus's grip tightened.

"Lily and James. Murdered by you-know-who, and YOU LEAD HIM RIGHT TO THEM!" Remus screeched his amber eyes blazing.

"What? I-I didn't. I would never. Remus, you have to believe me." He stammered.

"Believe you? BELIEVE YOU! I don't _know _you. Not anymore." the look betrayal in Remus's eyes nearly killed Sirius. "You were their safe-keeper. You were to keep them safe. And you didn't. YOU DIDN'T!"

Remus looked at the man before him with utter disgust. He pulled his hands away from Sirius as if they were burned. He gave the darker man one last searing look before turning away.

"No, wait. Remus! Let me explain!" Sirius called after him. He grabbed a hold of Remus's sleeve causing him to whirl around. Sirius took a step back as he suddenly had a wand pointed in his face.

"Let me go," Remus ordered in a cold and deadly voice. Sirius had no choice but to comply. As soon as he did Remus Apparated out of the flat and out of Sirius's life for twelve years.

Now Remus knew the truth. He knew that it was actually Peter who had betrayed Lily and James and framed Sirius. And though Remus had reunited with his once best mate and lover, he knew he had blown his chance of happiness when he Apparated out of here all those years ago.

After making his escape on Buckbeak that night in Harry's third year Sirius had moved from place to place in hopes of keeping the ministry off his trail but after the fiasco last year during the Tri-Wizard tournament, Sirius had kicked up a huge fuss until Dumbledore let him stay somewhere near Harry.

So now Sirius had reinhabited the flat they had once shared. And Remus couldn't help but to visit it. He knew that Sirius was in Hogsmeade visiting Harry so he took his chance. And now, with the sun setting, it was time for him to go.

Remus pulled himself out of his seat and left the room. He headed back down the hall to the bedroom to return the cologne and robe he had moved. But as he passed the kitchen something caught his eye.

Stuck to the refrigerator by a banana magnet was a muggle photo. It was a picture of Sirius and himself outside this very building. Lily had taken it the day they had moved in.

The sight of the photo brought tears to his eyes. He pulled his gaze away from the photo and they settled on a pad of paper and a pen, that Remus guessed Sirius used for grocery lists, on the table.

Before he could think about what he was doing he was sitting at the table with the pen in his hand and writing a letter to Sirius.

_Forgive me, love,_

_I went to your house, Walked up the stairs  
I opened your door without ringing the bell  
I walked down the hall, Into your room  
Where I could smell you  
And I shouldn't be here, without permission  
I shouldn't be here_

_I Put on your robe, went through your drawers  
And found your cologne, I went down to the den  
burned your incense, I found your records_

_I shouldn't stay long, you might be home soon  
I shouldn't stay long_

_So will you forgive me for dancing in you shower?_

_Will you forgive me for lying in your bed?_

_Will you forgive me for crying in your shower?_

_Will you forgive me for staying all afternoon?_

_Will you forgive me, love, for just being me?_

_-R._

Then Remus went home and he cried in the shower. There's salt in his bed. He cried all afternoon.

(A/n: this can be a stand alone one shot. I added a second part to it and that is chapter too. So if you like this how it is you don't have to read the alternate ending. But if you want some more then feel free to do just that.

A/n 2: this line is basically from run by snow patrol. I know it's a songfic for the Alanis Morissette song but I couldn't help but add this line. I just love it.

A/N 3: The letter is modified lyrics to the song.

A/n 4: thanks for reading. Also there is an additional author's note on the second half.)


	2. Alternate ending

It had been a week since Remus had visited Sirius's flat. He couldn't keep the memories away, but he forced himself to go on with his life. He went to the meetings and on his missions for the Order.

In fact, he had just gotten back from a mission. And now he wanted nothing more to take a hot bath. As he ran a bath he noticed something on his sink counter.

He moved over to it. It was an envelope with his name on it. Remus picked it up and opened it. It was a letter.

_Forgive you love?_

_You went to my house, walked up the stairs  
You opened my door without ringing the bell  
You walked down the hall, into my room  
Where you could smell me  
And you shouldn't have been there, without permission  
You shouldn't have been there_

_You put on my robe, went through my drawers  
and found my cologne, you went down to the den  
burned my incense, you found my records_

_You shouldn't have stayed long, I could've been home soon_

_You shouldn't have stayed long._

_So will I forgive you for dancing in my shower?_

_Will I forgive you for lying in my bed?_

_Will I forgive you for crying in my shower?_

_Will I forgive you for staying all afternoon?_

_Will I forgive you; love, for just being you?_

_I forgive you for dancing in my shower_

_I forgive you for lying in my bed_

_I forgive you for crying in my shower_

_I forgive you for staying all afternoon_

_I forgive you love for just being you_

Remus read the letter and smeared the ink as his tears hit the parchment and shattered like glass. Then he heard a voice behind him.

"But can you forgive _me _love?"

Remus whirled around. Standing in the door way to his bathroom was Sirius. His hair was matted and dirty, his body thin and frail and his face gaunt and pale, but his eyes were smoldering with desire.

Remus choked back a sob. He didn't care how he looked. He loved the man before him and he wasn't going to ever forget that again.

"Of course I do," Remus finally choked out. He swiped at the tears that were streaming down his face and gave an embarrassed and watery chuckle. Sirius closed the distance between them.

"Let me," he whispered and wiped away Remus's tears before taking his face in his hands and bringing their lips together.

Both men had been forgiven by their loves. They danced in the shower. They laid in the bed and Sirius stayed all afternoon.

(A/n: this was hard to write and it took me FOREVER. But I heard this song and this story immediately popped into my head so I just had to get it out!)


End file.
